A divorce is probably the most negotiating you’ll ever have to encounter, at the very least, the most emotionally draining. A lot of back and forth over custody, assets, who gets what, keeps the pets, etc. You both have a multitude of demands, and you will make statements that support the same.

Talk is cheap.

This statement rings true, especially in front of a divorce judge. No matter how much you demand your rights, how well-spoken you are, and how convincing your arguments are: fail to follow up with actions, and your entire plea falls on deaf ears.

Judges understand that many of the demands made during divorces are to spite the other party—denying them access to their kids, keeping their favorite cars, or simply trying to avoid financial compensation. For this reason, courts place a premium on actions, actual real-life actions, rather than rehearsed speeches that reek of coaching.

Actions speaks louder than words.

If there is one thing you can count on, it is the fact that your wife’s attorneys are keeping a watchful eye on you. Circling you, waiting for you to drop even the tiniest of falsehood they can latch on to.

All your claims in court must be complemented by actions that mirror them. If you say A, then act A, not Z, or B simply because of how closely they are situated. Your actions should disprove all the claims your wife makes about you. Comport yourself as a man of action, rather than a loudmouth who makes wild, often false, claims

If you claim to be bankrupt or financially drained, best behave like a man who has no money. Posting pictures of yourself in a club surrounded by beautiful ladies and bottles of high-quality liquor only paints you as a dirty liar. Also, it is unadvisable to make lavish financial investments at this moment: a new car, new Rolexes, and the likes are a no-no for the moment.

Luxury purchases and expensive vacations when you’re arguing against spousal support and alimony weakens your stance. If your argument is based on not being financially buoyant enough to agree to her demands, become a frugal, conservative spender.

For visitation rights or custody, start seeing your kids now.

Children are a sore spot in every divorce. They are innocent bystanders in a battle they didn’t ask to be a part of. This does not stop them from being used as a bargaining chip by either party, however.

If you demand an increase in visitation days or for shared custody, first examine your current situation. How much time do you spend with your children at the moment? Are you maximizing the current visitation period you have at the moment and have you been acting like a father would?

Merely making demands will not sway a judge when you already fail to spend the little time you have with your kids. Be enthusiastic about getting more quality time with your little ones, max out your current opportunities, all while documenting these visits. When you eventually make your demands for more time, your arguments have no weak points, and your wife cannot poke holes in your claim.

Final Notes

Everybody can scream, or become an orator, when given the chance. However, a judge, when presented with statements and acts, will indubitably favor actual action, rather than theoretical assertions. Let your words be mere descriptors of your actions, rather than baseless claims.

Divorces have many difficult aspects, which is why you need an experienced attorney on your side. Chad Foster is a trusted Washington lawyer serving Snohomish and King counties with an office in Bothell. Contact us today to discuss your legal issue.

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